My blood is boiling, I can feel it crossing my body, threatening to reach my head and burn it, but I don’t have fever. This is a new feeling I … Continue reading
i’m sad most days. i cry most days. hours and hours of tears and sobs that make my face burn. i always blame myself for it. why can’t i be … Continue reading
Having close friends and family members with serious mental health struggles triggers a lot of emotions for me. I can sometimes end up on an emotional roller coaster as a … Continue reading
People ask each other how they are all the time, but I’m convinced they don’t want a straight answer. The realm of acceptable responses to this question is somewhere between … Continue reading
[TW Suicide, Self-harm] My history with mental health started in the womb. I was raised by a mother who was deeply damaged by sexual abuse as a child. I learned … Continue reading
Trauma leaves a trail of bad habits and patterns of thought that I did not know existed until going to counseling. Not that counseling is the thing for everyone, but being able to recognize those patterns allowed me to take steps towards healing and not freak out anymore over small things.
Pressing On Alone in space. Wrapped tightly. Pressed down by a heavy weight. Wrapped in a shroud, A dark cloth, A black garment. Pressed by a large mass, A heavy … Continue reading
Maybe each time I pushed away things that bothered me (the racist comments, broken friendships, the feeling of abandonment), I was shoveling dirt over my shoulder.
What Now? I just can’t figure it out… I was never a person who gave much thought to mental health. I was never a person who showed emotions all that … Continue reading
I’m anxious, often. I’m more anxious at Middlebury than I am at home. But at least I’m allowed to talk about my anxiety when on campus, somewhat. Conversations on mental … Continue reading
I have good mental health. I know I am fortunate. I have a mom, older cousin, and aunt who are seriously debilitated by their anxiety and depression. I work hard … Continue reading
As a person of color, sometimes it’s difficult casually discussing with friends microaggressions, racial occurrences on campus, or ways we feel threatened. I don’t want to ignore what’s going on, … Continue reading
Some leave a message or a note Hidden in a Bible. For their children, The task is simple. Others stay silent, Leaving a mystery for those who follow. In families … Continue reading
I study and study because otherwise I will fail and I have never failed before and so can never allow myself to fail.
My experiences with mental health have not been incredibly volatile. I struggle sometimes with insecurity, jealousy, ego, body issues, anxiety, sadness, and I have had feelings of absolute devastation in … Continue reading
I can never sleep. I want to sleep, because it’s the only time I don’t have to worry, and cry, and worry that I’m worrying and crying too much. I … Continue reading
Inconsolable They could not get me to stop crying. I had nothing to blame; I had no one to blame. I was just a small, defective child, Unable to find … Continue reading
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.” -John Augustus Shedd My mental illness developed as something I could lean on to numb … Continue reading
Depression runs in my family. I’ve felt the effects of depression and anxiety not academically, but socially. I have a hard time fighting off feelings of guilt for having so … Continue reading
After my break up with the boy i loved, I fell into depression. THe thing that hurt the most was that not only did I lose my partner, but I … Continue reading
I called my long-distance best friend once in the middle of a panic attack at 2 am on a Friday night. He read a chapter of Harry Potter and the … Continue reading
I find most articles and online resources to be extremely negative and prejudiced against the people they are (purportedly) trying to help.
I think I’m bipolar, but I haven’t ever been diagnosed. All of the things I read about it online make it out to be such a debilitating disease, and I … Continue reading
The Universal Game (a dream has no wind) Though it’s hot, the silence chills And slick sweat starts to slip along my back, Dragging dirt and salt over ribs, like … Continue reading
When I’m at Middlebury, even my anxiety has anxiety. And most people don’t see it, because that’s what we do, isn’t it? Pretend like we’re okay, respond with flippant ‘I’m … Continue reading
Though I struggled with anxiety — and probably some depression — since before my time at Midd, I had a hard time working on that while I was at Midd. … Continue reading
[TW Self-harm] I don’t know if I will ever stop being in a battle against mental illness, and that terrifies me. I grew up in an abusive household with a … Continue reading
Last year my sister suffered of anxiety. Initially my parents didn’t believe her. They thought that she was making up an excuse not to go to school. They believed something … Continue reading
At the beginning of freshmen year, I wrote that my worst fear was a return to my depression and anxiety that I barely survived in high school. That’s still my worst fear.
I am so grateful for all those who are willing to take me as I come, and accept that happy me is not the only me.
I have a word document on my computer, hidden in folders within folders within folders, entitled: “Selfcare.doc” I have used it thrice and frequently forget that it is there. In … Continue reading
[TW Suicide] I went to a NJ public school. Small for a public school, about 160 in each grade. It was a “good” school- in the system’s sense of the … Continue reading
I sit on the corner of your bed Red sludge scabbing over under the band aid on my leg You are trapped under six blankets A cage for your restless … Continue reading
Bipolar definitely puts a strain on the family, but I think every day we grow stronger.
My thoughts used to be dominated by the idea of taking my own life. I got help, and now I rarely think about that dark time in my life.
(TW Suicide) I began to really think about death in grade six. Two of my closest friends committed suicide that year and I blamed myself for their deaths – for … Continue reading
-Why do I feel the pressure to go on anxiety medication? I’m getting help through therapy and I wonder why there seems to be pressure to be on drugs, although … Continue reading