beyond the green: collective of middlebury voices

a student-run publication that seeks to provide space for voices that are not being heard on our campus. we are grounded by politics that are radical, anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-classist, anti-homophobic, anti-ableist, and anti-transphobic (against all forms of oppression) and that reject the structural neo-liberal paradigm that characterizes middlebury college and its official publications

I study and study because otherwise I will fail and I have never failed before and so can never allow myself to fail.

My experiences with mental health have not been incredibly volatile. I struggle sometimes with insecurity, jealousy, ego, body issues, anxiety, sadness, and I have had feelings of absolute devastation in the past, but I have always come out strong, reinstated my beliefs in my principles, and reached out to resources I considered helpful- in most cases, my close friends. Lately, I have been struggling with the idea of mental health on campus because I am one of the few people who is currently taking a very stressful class for J Term. I was stressed a lot last semester as well, and it feels like with each day I spend in this system, my body is getting weaker and weaker. I cannot stay awake past a certain hour. I text my friend to come see me but when they arrive, I am too tired to hang out. I study and study because otherwise I will fail and I have never failed before and so can never allow myself to fail. I am easily irritated and sometimes condescending to my peers because I feel like the stress of being in this class and having all the additional responsibilities somehow makes me a more accomplished person than they are. None of this is true. None of this is what I truly believe. But I can blame my behavior on the stress and I do. Maybe it will be different in the Spring. Maybe some of the people in my life will get tired and leave. Maybe that’s good. But for now, I feel stuck with the responsibilities I do have. The stress is here to stay.

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This entry was posted on February 1, 2014 by in Mental Health and tagged .
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