beyond the green: collective of middlebury voices

Depression runs in my family.

Depression runs in my family. I’ve felt the effects of depression and anxiety not academically, but socially. I have a hard time fighting off feelings of guilt for having so … Continue reading →

I thought I was fine, I thought I didn’t need help, but I was wrong.

After my break up with the boy i loved, I fell into depression. THe thing that hurt the most was that not only did I lose my partner, but I … Continue reading →

I haven’t self-harmed in over a year because of the unconditional love of my friends.

I called my long-distance best friend once in the middle of a panic attack at 2 am on a Friday night. He read a chapter of Harry Potter and the … Continue reading →

I find most articles and online resources to be extremely negative and prejudiced against the people they are (purportedly) trying to help.

I think I’m bipolar, but I haven’t ever been diagnosed. All of the things I read about it online make it out to be such a debilitating disease, and I … Continue reading →

I keep waking up again and again, Though I never fall asleep.

The Universal Game (a dream has no wind) Though it’s hot, the silence chills And slick sweat starts to slip along my back, Dragging dirt and salt over ribs, like … Continue reading →

When I’m at Middlebury, even my anxiety has anxiety.

When I’m at Middlebury, even my anxiety has anxiety. And most people don’t see it, because that’s what we do, isn’t it? Pretend like we’re okay, respond with flippant ‘I’m … Continue reading →

I often leave our sessions feeling empowered, and I love that about my meetings with her.

Though I struggled with anxiety — and probably some depression — since before my time at Midd, I had a hard time working on that while I was at Midd. … Continue reading →

Mental health isn’t part of my experience – it IS my experience.

[TW Self-harm] I don’t know if I will ever stop being in a battle against mental illness, and that terrifies me. I grew up in an abusive household with a … Continue reading →

It got to the point where she felt caged in all aspects of her life.

Last year my sister suffered of anxiety. Initially my parents didn’t believe her. They thought that she was making up an excuse not to go to school. They believed something … Continue reading →

At the beginning of freshmen year, I wrote that my worst fear was a return to my depression and anxiety that I barely survived in high school. That’s still my worst fear.

I am so grateful for all those who are willing to take me as I come, and accept that happy me is not the only me.

I have a word document on my computer, hidden in folders within folders within folders, entitled: “Selfcare.doc” I have used it thrice and frequently forget that it is there. In … Continue reading →

Please, look at these words. Hear them.

[TW Suicide] I went to a NJ public school. Small for a public school, about 160 in each grade. It was a “good” school- in the system’s sense of the … Continue reading →

But you’re my brother and I’m your sister I’ll pick you up now If you pick me up later.

I sit on the corner of your bed Red sludge scabbing over under the band aid on my leg You are trapped under six blankets A cage for your restless … Continue reading →

Bipolar definitely puts a strain on the family, but I think every day we grow stronger.

Bipolar definitely puts a strain on the family, but I think every day we grow stronger.

I got help, and now I rarely think about that dark time in my life.

My thoughts used to be dominated by the idea of taking my own life. I got help, and now I rarely think about that dark time in my life.

I saw my depression as a war and myself as a prisoner that could no longer fight.

(TW Suicide) I began to really think about death in grade six. Two of my closest friends committed suicide that year and I blamed myself for their deaths – for … Continue reading →

When do you act on a concern?

When do you act on a concern? How about when you’re concerned about a friend? A friend’s mental health? Where is the line drawn? When is someone else’s mental health … Continue reading →